You Are Not the Glue
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received as a therapist came from a supervisor early in my career:
“You are not the glue.”
At first, I didn’t know what to do with those words. I had stepped into this field because I wanted to help people, to support families, couples, and individuals who were hurting. I thought if I worked hard enough, cared enough, or stretched myself thin enough, I could keep things from falling apart. I could be the one who “fixed it.”
But here’s the hard truth: I am not the glue. And neither are you.
The Weight We Carry
When you’re a therapist, a parent, a partner, or even just a deeply caring person, it’s easy to slip into believing that you’re responsible for holding everything and everyone together. You might feel like if you don’t show up, everything will crumble. If you don’t take on the extra burden, people might hurt themselves, relationships might fall apart, or someone you love might spiral.
That’s a crushing weight to carry. And it’s not yours to hold.
Why Not Being the Glue Matters
Not being the glue doesn’t mean your role isn’t valuable. It doesn’t mean you aren’t making a difference. What it means is this: you are only one part of the whole.
You can show up with compassion. You can offer insight, care, tools, and support. But you cannot make decisions for other people. You cannot force change. You cannot be the single adhesive holding everything together.
When we try to be the glue, we end up losing ourselves. Burnout, resentment, self-blame, and exhaustion often follow. Letting go of the “glue” role allows us to trust that we are doing enough, and that others are responsible for their own choices.
The Shift
For me, realizing that I am not the glue was freeing. I could still show up fully present for my clients, my family, and my relationships — but I no longer believed it was my job to fix or carry it all.
Instead of asking, “How do I hold everything together?” I started asking:
How can I show up authentically today?
What tools can I offer without taking over responsibility?
What boundaries help me sustain my role long-term?
The Reminder We All Need
If you’re someone who feels like the glue in your family, your friendships, or your work, this is your reminder:
You are not the glue.
Your value doesn’t come from keeping everyone else together. Your worth isn’t measured by how much you hold, fix, or prevent. You are enough, even without being the adhesive.
Take a breath. Step back. Trust that the people around you have their own part to play. And let yourself be a person, not the glue.
