How to Support Your Teen (Without Overstepping)
Your teen doesn’t need a fixer, a mind-reader, or a motivational speaker with a clipboard. Parents are not experts on everything, and your teen doesn’t need a TED Talk when they are dealing with difficult emotions. They need your presence — not perfection. They need your curiosity — not control. They need your compassion — not commentary.
Here’s the truth:
Be their anchor, not their answer key.
What this means is that you don’t need to solve all of their problems, they need you to be there for them. To hold them on Earth when it feels like everything is spiraling.
Ask before you advise. "Do you want to vent, or do you want help thinking it through?"
Everyone needs a little space to just let their emotions out and vent about what is going on. Even as adults we do not always want someone to give us logic and reason so we can solve the issue, we want to sit in the feeling for a little while first. It’s the same for teens, so give them the offer of space to vent or support in exploring what they can do.
Validate even when you don’t agree. "That makes sense given what you’re going through."
As adults - we know that it is not going to matter who is dating Jacob by the end of the week, but it matters to your child right now. And they are learning to navigate these experiences and emotions for the first time. Give them validation of their emotions first, even if you think it is silly or if you don’t agree. This builds trust for them to come talk to more.
Show up, even when you get it wrong. Circle back with, "I thought about what you said, and I want to understand better."
Teenagers and parents do have a major thing in common, and it’s that we’re all human and all humans are bound to make mistakes here and there. So if you responded in a way you aren’t proud of, or you said the “wrong thing” it’s okay (and healthy even) to circle back and try again. Apologize, reopen the discussion, and show up the way you do want to.
This is what builds trust. This is what support actually feels like.
Teens: show this to someone you wish understood you better. Parents: save this for the next time you’re tempted to fix what really just needs holding.
You don’t have to be perfect. Just present, patient, and human.
You’ve got this. 💛
If you need some extra support, please feel free to reach out to me here. I currently am accepting telehealth clients in Michigan.
