Numb Isn’t Nothing: Understanding Emotional Numbness
We don’t talk about numbness enough.
So often, when people think about emotional numbness, they imagine it as indifference . Simply not caring, not feeling, “going with the flow.” But here’s the truth: numbness isn’t the absence of feelings. It’s the floodgates holding back too much.
Numb isn’t nothing. Numb is everything that feels too overwhelming to handle, packed tightly behind a wall your brain built to keep you safe.
And sometimes, that wall feels sturdy like brick. Other days, it’s as thin as rice paper, and you’re just one bump away from falling apart.
Why We Go Numb
Numbness is a protective response. It’s your brain’s way of saying: “This is too much, let’s shut it down.”
According to the American Psychological Association, emotional numbing is a common response to prolonged stress, trauma, or overwhelming emotions. It’s not about being broken; it’s about your nervous system trying to survive. Furthermore, psychologist Bessel van der Kolk (author of The Body Keeps the Score) explains that when trauma overwhelms the nervous system, people may “disconnect” from their feelings in order to function. That’s numbness.
The problem is, while numbness might protect you short-term, it also disconnects you from joy, connection, and even the motivation to heal. Numbness is protecting you from feeling the big, scary feelings and that means also holding you back from the big, joyous feelings.
What Numb Feels Like in Real Life
Here’s what numbness often looks like:
Autopilot mode: You’re getting through the day, but everything feels dulled down. You do what you need to do and with little thought, but you don’t do more than that.
Masking: To others, you might seem “fine,” but inside, you’re blank. You laugh with the group but don’t feel the joy or humor, you might comfort your friend’s sadness but can’t connect enough to empathize.
Isolation: You avoid people or conversations that might stir up something you don’t want to feel. So you stop hanging out with friends or responding to their messages.
Shame loop: You think, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just feel something?”
The irony is that numbness, which tries to protect us from hurt or rejection, often ends up isolating us more. And that isolation feeds the cycle of disconnection.
You Can Work With Numbness
Here’s the truth: numbness is not the end of the story. It’s a signal, a sign that your body is asking for attention.
When you notice numb creeping in, it’s often a good time to pause and check in:
What’s been going on lately?
Am I avoiding something painful?
Have I been running on empty?
Childhood Lessons About Feelings
For many of us, numbness is learned. If you grew up in a family where emotions were stuffed down, ignored, or punished, then turning off feelings may feel second nature.
Research on emotion socialization (how parents teach kids about feelings) shows that kids who are encouraged to express and talk about their emotions grow into adults who are better at regulating them. Kids who are told to “toughen up” or “stop crying”? They’re more likely to struggle with emotional avoidance or suppression later in life. If you learned young that it wasn’t safe to cry, to ask for comfort, or to admit when you were scared then numbness probably feels like an old companion.
Reflective Prompt
Take a minute right now and ask yourself:
When do I feel most disconnected from myself?
What emotions might be hiding under that blankness?
(If journaling helps, write it down. If not, even naming one word to yourself is progress.)
Trauma and Emotional Numbing
For survivors of trauma, numbness can become almost automatic. Avoidance is part of the PTSD symptom cluster (DSM-5), where people distance themselves from reminders of trauma, including their own emotions.
Trauma can create shame, secrecy, and self-blame. When those wounds aren’t acknowledged, people often “mask” just to make it through daily life. But behind the mask, numbness holds court.
Why Even “Bad” Feelings Matter
It might feel safer to push away anger, grief, anxiety, or sadness. But feelings — even the tough ones — are part of being human. They’re signals:
Anger tells us something isn’t right. It works in our system as a protector, but one meant to then be let down and allowed to feel the deeper emotions connected. Anger is also attached to passion and a sense of belief about what is right or wrong. It can be where change happens for us when we allow ourselves to feel it.
Sadness signals loss and our need for comfort. Crying is a normal physical release of this emotion. It is movement in our body that is washing us and signaling that we need to slow down, sob, talk, and sometimes yell due to the pain we are feeling.
Anxiety alerts us to potential danger, and it’s main job is to keep us safe from such danger. When we have the alarm bells going off we are able to respond and attempt to correct the situation to return to safety and calmness.
Numbness robs us of those signals. It’s like driving with your dashboard lights turned off… sure, it’s quieter, but now you don’t know when the engine’s overheating.
Therapy Can Help
If you’re feeling numb more often than not, you don’t have to stay stuck in that fog. Therapy can give you tools to:
Notice and name your emotions
Learn how to regulate feelings instead of shutting them down
Reconnect with parts of yourself you’ve had to silence
Break free from cycles of avoidance and isolation
You deserve to feel, not just survive.
👉 If this resonates, I’d love to help. You can schedule a therapy consultation with me here.
